Musings: From Resistance to Freedom

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. “
– Lewis B. Smedes“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
– Catherine PonderIt’s been an amazing month.Over the past 30 days, I have traveled extensively, participated in a number of speaking engagements, worked at a new position at the Child Safety Network, and had the pleasure of facilitating a powerful Train the Trainer Forgiveness Workshop in St. Paul, MN. All of which have helped me learn some useful lessons that help me to grow spiritually, which I believe is the most important type of growth.

I’m happy to report every one of the 12 people that participated in the workshop received a breakthrough. By design I limit the attendance of this workshop to 14 people, as the work goes deep. It is intensive and immersive.

During my travels I meet many people who are in resentment for what has been done to them, or they are in guilt for the harm they have caused.

When you harbor such feelings of resentment and guilt you cannot function in the world fully, as these harmful emotions continuous gnaw at your consciousness, preventing you from living life fully with love and joy. They also substantially limit your ability to perform at 100% of your potential, thus creating mediocre results and outcomes for you as an individual, for your families and for your community. In addition, these debilitating emotions are corrosive and often manifest into disease.

Understanding these facts, which are so eloquently described in the above two quotes, I am left wondering why there is such resistance to doing the forgiveness work. When you think about it – why would you or anyone have such important real estate of your psyche be occupied by someone who has harmed you? Why not forgive so love and joy can reside there? Not forgiving is akin to self-abuse. You might as well take a whip and beat yourself. Even so, in my travels I do still find there is a resistance to forgive.

I often get the question “How can you forgive the person who murdered your child?” My response has been the same over the years. Tony and I have separate journeys. I had a full life when my son was alive, and then after he died, I had no life. I recognized that if I stayed in resentment I would only hurt myself. More importantly, there is no quality of life living it as a victim. I wanted that full life back and I realized unless I forgive I would remain a victim. I have that full life back.

Let us consider Tony who murdered my son. He still gets up in the middle of the night with nightmares and sweaty palms. He still has to live with a consciousness that he took the life of an innocent, unarmed human being. That is hard to do. There is no escaping wrongdoing; karma always takes care of it.

So the resistance to forgiveness stems from our need to judge. I like to leave judgment to the higher power and/or karma. As I learned from his Holiness the Dalai Lama there is no empathy or compassion in judgment. I truly believe that if people can learn how judgments negatively impact their own life, they would be less resistant and more open to forgive.

Most of us have issues and a story. This is true for many participants who have come through my Train The Trainer Forgiveness Workshops. The experiential curriculum is designed to address:

• Ridding yourself of resentment by forgiving the person who has harmed you.
  • Step 1 – Acknowledge You Have Been Wronged
  • Step 2 – Give Up All Resulting Resentment
  • Step 3 – Reach out in love and compassion, to that person or persons whom you believed harmed or wronged you

• Removing guilt by forgiving yourself.
  • Take responsibility for your actions.
  • Offer a strong and sincere statement of remorse, regret or apology.
  • Make a commitment that you’ve changed that behavior forever, and give someone permission to call you on it if you go back to the old behavior.
  • Support another in making a similar empowering choice, or stop at least one other person from making the same mistake.

These workshops are done over the weekend – Friday evening and all day Saturday and Sunday. I see my calling in life (spiritual purpose) to teach this work. Train the Trainer is designed to leverage more people creating more forgiving people, which in turn will create a more compassionate and peaceful planet.

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TESTIMONIAL:
“Valuable beyond my wildest expectations, the experiences of this weekend will stay with me and guide and inspire me and my actions for the rest of my life – and beyond.” – Rita  

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These are powerful workshops that will help you understand the benefits of forgiveness and help you to be out there performing at your zenith, manifesting all you wish for you, your families and your communities. Either attend one of the forgiveness workshops or organize one in your town with 14 participants. Contact Jennifer at JENNIFER@AZIMKHAMISA.COM to learn how to set up a workshop in your town.

As most experience, you will be freed from the heavy chains of resentment and guilt.

As always … all the very best.
Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers.
And have a joyful summer!