Musings: Looking For Love and Peace and Joy In All The Right Places

As we approach Valentine’s Day, love is very much in the air as many of us are reflecting on our relationships … especially the significant one.

We humans are defined by our relationships – with our significant others, our children, parents, colleagues and friends. If we strip away all of our relationships, what is left? However how many of us truly reflect on the importance of relationships and how these impact us on a daily basis?  What lessons have we have learned over the years, and what can we do to make relationships more fulfilling and less challenging?

Valentine’s Day forces us – all of us – to look at the important relationships in our lives. If you are like me, we can come short on spending quality time and effort in nourishing these important relationships. So this coming year what can we commit to, so that in a year from now (on next Valentine ‘s Day) we can look back and say that the last year has been more fulfilling and loving than ever before?

I turned to Khalil Gibran’s poem on “Marriage” for inspiration:

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but do not make a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.”

Reflecting on this, I see that when we first fall in love with that special person we understand that they are their own person and that is what we love the most about them. We fall in love with the attributes of this amazing human being that occupies a significant portion of our thoughts and consciousness. We can feel the joy and sometimes the hurt of absence physically in our hearts. Then as we get to spend more time we begin to want to change this person to suit our needs; we want this person to cater more to our wants and needs, so much so that we tend to forget about all the wonderful attributes we initially fell in love with. What happened?

“Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.”

Life truly has two journeys: the one with our relationships and the other with our-SELF. Gibran reminds us here of the importance of “each of us to be alone but make the same music.” I think there is much wisdom here if we are able to see the other person for their magnificence and their ability to inspire the best in us as we in turn do the same for them. It is this dance of being who we are but recognizing that together our music is the resonance of our individuality, which we so fully expressed in the beginning. However, in all relationships there are challenges. As a wise Guru once said, “To achieve enlightenment, get married.” So how do we handle these challenges?

“Give your hearts, but not in each other’s keeping – For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.”

Isn’t this just beautiful? Gibran reminds that there is a bigger Universe in which we play and live in beyond our life with our relationships. It is only this Universe that can contain our hearts. But understanding this principle we do grasp that our partner alone cannot give us the full life we all want. However he or she can definitely make the journey possible. There is a great saying from Confucius: “Shared happiness is double happiness – shared sorrow is half sorrow.”

I remember many years ago I was on a cruise with a lady I dated back then over New Year’s, and we sat with a delightful couple. At midnight after kissing they both took their rings off and did a little ceremony. Curious, I asked what was their ritual. They told us, “Oh we do this every year – on New Year’s we make a commitment to stay together for one more year, and either partner can choose not to do so – no questions asked.” Taking each other for granted is not supported by the Universe. Knowing you want your partner to renew every year allows you to be fully present in this dance with love and compassion. So what is the gift in this?

“And stand together yet not too near together for the pillars of the temple stand apart. And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

Here in this marriage, while understanding these principles each one of you has arrived at becoming your maximum potential supported by the other and vice versa. It’s important to understand that both journeys are equally important – the one with your-SELF and the one with your relationships. In this magical balance may we experience Shangri-La.

So, after reading these words, what are you going to do different in the next year? Please share with us if you are so inspired.

Wishing all a loving, joyous, healthy and a fun-filled Valentine’s Day!